Bigger better?

By Mom….

While I was pregnant  many people kept telling me that my daughter was going to get lots to eat. Being a 36B, I was happy to hear that. Think of all the benefits that comes with breastfeeding: the best nutrients, be able to travel light, less hassle of scrambling for water and all the savings! We were so happy and all set to conquer the fear and challenges that breastfeeding may have.The first day of her life, my daughter was carried to me and all she did was SLEEP!! Not wanting to suckle no matter what we tried. She finally suckled a little and stopped. Fearing dehydration, the nurses suggested for me to give her cow milk. I reluctantly agreed. Then many family and friends tried to give me tips and help on getting started on breastfeeding. Then the nurse who could not get my daughter to latch, blamed it on the shape of the tit. We got the shield, puller, supplements, skipped sleep to pump milk, whatever helps. No matter how painful, I would still try. But she just would not latch or suckle for long and my milk supply was at best 40ml. I paid for lactation nurse to help in other hospital, went to a pediatrican who encouraged me to starve her and she will drink out of survival instinct. To think that I believed him! But my mother’s instinct took over after she skipped her feeding twice and I went for powder.

My confinement nanny tried to help by cooking me fish soup and during feeding, she pushed my daughter’s face to the breast and pushed her cheeks in to suckle. My heart aches….

My hubby was supportive of whatever decision I made and finally after a few weeks, I realised its not her, its me. I am just not having as much milk as I or many others thought I should. I spoke to many others for help and one with smaller breasts told me she has so much to spare that she helped to feed her sisters’ twins!

I accepted the fact but was devastated that I am not what I hope to be. I was blaming myself for many weeks. My hubby then comforted me and got me to come round to accepting that being a good Mother is not solely dependent on milk supply. And looking at the reasons I want to breastfeed, it was mostly about me! My hubby is good at letting me indulge in my own world of hope and self pity then at the right time gives me a whack on the head to wake me up. Of course its an art to grasp the right timing, just like surfing, you got to time for the right wave. So the next time your partner tells you something hard to hear, its for your own good, just maybe at an off timing.

Well back to breastfeeding, so I attest to the fact that being bigger may not mean better. I still support breastfeeding but if Nature doesn’t have the same plans, I am here to tell you its all right. The bonding between a Mother and her child is not only about food source but how you interact with your child..


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